Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
