I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
