i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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