Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
