dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
