If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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