If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
