Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize