Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
