Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize