somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
