Me too!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
