she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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