So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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