If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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