She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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