I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize