I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
