Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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