my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
