My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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