is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
