the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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