we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
