he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
