Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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