drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
