Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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