Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
