Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
