It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
