i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
