She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
