Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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