She went from zero to smokin in five shots
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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