i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
