Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
