Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize