I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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