Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
