So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
