She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize