we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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