Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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