I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
