I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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