At least make sure they are 18
Why
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
