I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
