He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
