another moral hangover. fuck.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
