I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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