I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
