if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Alive.
So much puke
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize