On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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