It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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