Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
