theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
