i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
