I skipped work to stalk him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize