The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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