I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just threw up on my dentist
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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