She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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