we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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