They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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