____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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