Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
