If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize