Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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