Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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