I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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