I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize