Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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